dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
