and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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