This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
