Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
