never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
It's just like the Real World with babies
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
