I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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