Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I think my fart just growled at me.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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