she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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