I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
birth control should be required to get into college
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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