I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
