Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
