He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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