The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
