your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
