I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
