tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
