Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
