Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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