I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
