I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
