I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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