If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
