New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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