my mouth tastes like poor choices
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Randomize
