You can't motorboat a personality
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize