i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
