and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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