Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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