I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
