I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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