Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize