were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
