you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
