you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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