you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
