it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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