I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize