If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
