i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
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