i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Randomize
