I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
