And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
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