Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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