i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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