i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
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