I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
