My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize