don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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