I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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