I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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