direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Just high enough for therapy.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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