Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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