im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
