i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
