omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Do you remember whose house we're in?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
