my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
