The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
