There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize