I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
