And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Randomize
