hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
