ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
