Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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