I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
so much tequila, so little girl.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
