yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
