at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
