dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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