my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
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