I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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