remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
